


Time Flies (While I Try to Move On)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Err...sorry in adavance?, Everyone else is briefly mentioned, I have read this fic over so many times you wouldn't know, M/M, Oikawa-centric, Takeru is still a child, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5097773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers all of this, and he remembers spending the last 15 years sending him love letters and poems. They've probably stacked a lot in his room, could probably just be a whole gallery. He also remembers their promises, the moments where he felt the heart in his chest feeling like it would explode from love, and he remembers everyone's concern for him and he wants to laugh at how he's such a terrible person for making all of those wonderful people worry about him. This pathetic person. </p><p>He wants to hug back, he wants to smell him for real, and he really wants to tell him the words he was unable to say 15 years ago. The words he should've told him earlier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Flies (While I Try to Move On)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu!! in any shape or form
> 
> Finally mustering up enough courage to post this even though I wrote this a few weeks ago. Better now than never I suppose, and let's hope I don't start regretting. (I probably will.) If you see any mistakes, pointing it out would be appreciated! ...Enjoy?

Oikawa sighed as he sat at his desk looking at the letter. How many was this now? He didn't even know. All he knew was that everyday he would write a letter, a letter to Iwaizumi. Everyday it would be about his undying love for him and he would send it. He's pretty sure his tongue feels disgusting now for all the licking he does. He would send them and never receive a reply. Sometimes he wondered if Iwaizumi was deliberately ignoring him or he moved and Oikawa just didn't know. They lived separately; Oikawa being a salaryman in Tokyo and Iwaizumi still in Miyagi being a volleyball coach. Oikawa couldn't do volleyball anymore, all because he wrecked his knee. Sometimes he gets calls from Yahaba and Kyoutani, asking him if he received any news from Iwaizumi and the answer would always be no. That was the first year.

-

 

_Oikawa-san it's Yahaba-_

_Oh, Yahaba-chan! If you were wondering whether Iwa-chan has contacted me yet, he hasn't. Anything new over there?_

_I-wait, Kyoutani! Stop-!_

_Oikawa, you need to know that-_

_Click._

 

-

 

The second year Oikawa still sent letters to Iwaizumi everyday. He did it with so much concentration that he didn't even realize his house was burning. Well, more like his clothes. Actually, Iwaizumi's hoodie that was given to him three years ago because he took it and never gave it back. When he finally realized, only the hood was left. Sighing Oikawa picked up the remains and threw it in the trash. Regrettably. It was Monday and Oikawa had work soon. He turned on the news to catch up on things, faintly remembering that today was important. Thinking desperately towards what his mind was telling him Oikawa tried to remember why today was important but to no avail. Making a quick cup of coffee, Oikawa drank it and left his house, forgetting to turn off the television.

_Today is the anniversary of-_

 

-

 

 _Oikawa? This is Hanamaki. Remember what today is? Would you like to join us? Matsukawa died today and I would appreciate it if you...came with us to visit their graves._

 

-

 

Oikawa found something called mixi, it was wonderful. He decided to enter the field of literature. In no time his friend list maxed out and all of his works was published there. All of them directed towards Iwaizumi who hasn't contacted him for three years. He wondered when this silly game of avoidance will end. He wonders when Iwaizumi will ever give him a response. Or, was he being avoided because Iwaizumi had no interest in him? Ouch, that thought hurt. His old friends stopped contacting him and he had no clue as to why. Maybe they got sick of him? He knew he wasn't the best person to hang around with, but he thought they were able to stand him. It hurt to think that their friendship meant nothing.

 

-

 

_Shattered in pieces it laid, broken a year ago. Forgotten. Never allowing him to speak to them ever again._

 

-

 

Feeling like this was getting no where, Oikawa started sending stuff to magazines. He even started sending stuff for social issues. The pain of never receiving a reply from Iwaizumi for four years was now a dull ache, his love burning stronger everyday. He wouldn't give up just because Iwaizumi was ignoring him. He would reach him one day. When his poem collection was sent for publication, he quitted his job as a salaryman. Maybe he would find new opportunities as a poet, he mused.

 

-

 

_A male cries in the rain in a park. He lost everything; his career, his best friend who left him, his dream, everything. He felt like his heart was literally torn out of his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. What was he going to do with his life now?_

 

-

 

It was the fifth year since he had no contact with Iwaizumi. He was sure he was getting used to it now. The pain of being ignored, of never receiving a reply. He kind of wished he did though, because now he's selfishly gripping at the last string of hope that maybe, maybe Iwaizumi does love him. Even if he never got a reply, he never got a rejection either. He was now a master poet, attracting women as he goes on in his career. Most being 20-34 and Oikawa hopes that one day the person he is waiting for is the one in the line when he signs autographs. That he knows that all those poems he wrote are mostly directed towards him. Even if several girls fell for him, he would never be able to love them, his heart dedicated to Iwaizumi only. Even if he got rejected, he believes-no, knows-that he'll forever love Iwaizumi.

 

-

 

_"Who'll tell him the news?"_

_"Kindaichi and Kunimi can you both....tell him...? I... I don't think I can right now..."_

_"Yes, Hanamaki-senpai. Get-get well soon."_

_"...Thank you, Kindaichi, Kunimi."  
_

 

-

 

He was hospitalized during the sixth year, for overworking his body. He was pretty sure at least each of his bones broke once and each of his organs were damaged at least once. Literally or figuratively, he just knew out of them all, the one that hurt the most is his heart. He's written so many poems now that he's pretty sure they reached more than 2,000. He wonder how many more he'll have to write to finally get a reply. 10,000? 100,000? He knows though that he'll never stop.

 

-

 

_Tooru? I know you're going through a tough time but...know that I'll always be there. No, we'll always be there for you, Takeru and I. Takeru misses you, and we hope you get better soon. Please...come visit us soon. - Saki_

 

-

 

It's the seventh year and Oikawa decided maybe he should compare Iwaizumi with something today. He thinks of the meaning of Iwaizumi's name and thinks that instead of being a water spring crag, Iwaizumi was the stars. His hair was pointy like a star and Iwaizumi always shines bright. You would never be able to bring down Iwaizumi for so long, he always managed to get back up resiliently. He sighed as he stared at the piece of paper in front of him, wondering if that was enough writing today. It was never enough, but Oikawa found himself at loss of words of describing how he felt towards Iwaizumi. He wrote so much, yet he remembers every single one of them. Each words for every single letter and poem engraved into his own mind.

-

 

_"Ooh!! It's the Grand King! It's been so long!"_

_"Oikawa-san."_

_"How has things been lately-eh? Wait!"_

_"..."_

_"Kageyama, don't you think the Grand King looked horrible right now? There were bags under his eyes! And he looks totally different than before!"_

_"..."_

_"Kageyama? Kageyama? Do you know something I don't? Tell me!"_

_"...it's not my right to do so."_

_"Eh? What do you mean by that?"_

 

-

 

Oikawa decided that he should probably compare Iwaizumi to something again. He's been doing that lately, comparing Iwaizumi to things. Anything that reminded him of Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was also like a rose he decided. Thorny and prickly on the outside, but once you plucked those away he's the most beautiful thing on earth. Captivating you and just having something that made you respect and admire him. Oikawa always wondered why he was the popular one when it really should've been Iwaizumi. He kind of laughs at the idea of Iwaizumi having a horde of fan girls because he's sure Iwaizumi wouldn't be able to handle them. Sighing, Oikawa wondered when Iwaizumi would give him a response. He hasn't for eight years now and Oikawa's pretty sure he won't the other years as well. 

 

-

 

_"You should stop overworking yourself."_

_"Are you my mom?'_

_"Hah?!"_

_"I'm kidding Iwa-chan! Don't worry, I promise it'll be fine! After all, you'll always be there for me anyways!"_

 

-

 

"Oikawa Tooru?"

....? Who was that? Was that him?

"Ah, so you are awake. You suffered quite a blow to the head. Do you remember anything?"

"I..." He was going to respond no, he didn't, but then a name popped up, filled with this emotion bursting out of his chest. Warm, powerful, yet also very painful. "I-Iwa...Iwaizumi...Haji...me..." He stuttered out, the name sounding foreign to him yet very familiar. Why? Why was it that this name was more important than anything else, even his own name? When he looked at the nurse he saw her looking genuinely surprised.

"Iwaizumi Hajime? Do you know anything mor-" Before the nurse could even say even more the door burst open revealing a woman with long, curly brown hair. Next to her was a young boy with black-ish gray hair, shaved.

"Tooru?! Are you okay?! I heard that you got in an accident and...."

"Calm down miss. May I ask your relationship towards this man?"

"O-Oh," Saki looked at the nurse, startled, she hadn't seen the nurse in the room before and noticing her presence now surprised her. "I'm sorry, I'm Saki and this is Takeru. I am Tooru's elder sister and Takeru is his nephew. How bad was his injury?"

"It's not that bad in all honesty. He received a hard blow to the head so memory loss is a possibility."

"M-Memory loss? Then...he doesn't remember anything?"

"Well, it seems that right now the only thing he does remember is the name Iwaizumi Hajime."

"...I see." Saki sat down in a nearby chair her hands supporting her head. "I'm just glad he's okay."

"...Mommy? Is Uncle Tooru okay?" Takeru asked looking at Oikawa in the bed and his mother.

"Yes, he's fine Takeru. He's fine."

"Would you like some time to yourself?" With a quick nod of a yes, Saki, Takeru, and Oikawa were left alone in the room.

"So...." Saki started, her lip quivering, "do you really not remember anything? Nothing at all?"

Oikawa stared at her wondering if there was a right or wrong answer to this question. He decided to go with honesty. "No. I only remember the name Iwaizumi Hajime." Which makes my heart feel like it's going to spring out of my chest and melt. He added silently. "...Do you know him or her?" Him, his mind told him and Oikawa furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Iwaizumi Hajime was your childhood friend Tooru. Your best friend." She hiccuped as if it pained her to say this and Oikawa briefly wondered why. "You guys were always together for everything and cared about each other the most. You two are-were-inseparable." Oikawa felt himself confused even more. If they separated then why...why did it feel like he was still so important to him. He wished he remembered.  


 

-

 

_"Hey."_

_"What?"_

_"Since we both decided to go to different universities, can we promise that no matter what, we'll still be unseparable?"_

_"What's with that question? Of course we'll be unseparable. Just a few years away from each other won't just separate us. Plus, we can still visit each other on holidays or breaks."_

_"You're right Iwa-chan! After all you could never live without me!"_

_"Oi."_

_"I know, I know, I'm kidding Iwa-chan!"_

_**Except that I know that I wouldn't be able to live without you.**_  


 

-

 

During the tenth and eleventh year Oikawa still didn't remember. He met other people, people who claimed to have known him. Sometimes memories passed through, but they dissipated immediately and he couldn't recollect them again. Sometimes he smiled, but most of the time they just felt empty. Like the one person who was supposed to see this smile wasn't there. He saw the poems and letters stacked in his home. He desperately wanted to get a reply one day.

 

-

 

_He first fell in love with him during their third year of junior high. He always heard how love was like by his older sister and tv shows and books, but he never thought it would feel like this. He always wondered how you'd be able to differentiate romantic love with familial or friend love, but he knew now. Definitely. It scared him to be honest. He didn't know how Iwaizumi would react if he ever told him and he certainly didn't want to be disgusted by Iwaizumi, so he kept it in. Everything would be fine if he had Iwaizumi by his side. Even if his feelings were never returned._

 

-

 

The twelfth and thirteenth year nothing happened much either. Oikawa felt himself growing a bit happier little by little, but his heart still felt like something was constantly missing. His memory was still blank. Sometimes he felt like the happiness he felt was fake, that this was all fake. Every time he came home he would re-read the poems and letters he wrote to that Iwaizumi person and wonder how someone could love a person this much. Even if he felt like everything was fake, this feeling in his chest was definitely real and it was one of the only things he held. These feelings were all he had. 

 

-

 

_"I'm not sure if I want him to remember." She sobbed, her head cradled against her husband's chest. "It's a horrible thought but...when I think about how he was before...he seems so much happier."_

_"Saki, we all know that his amnesia will only be temporary. He's had some moments when he remembered slightly, remember? So we can only hope that when he does regain his memories, he'll be able to..." He trailed off, knowing Saki knew the next words he would say._

_"I know. I know. I just hope...things will be alright in the end."_

 

-

 

This year felt the scariest. He was uneasy with himself. He wanted to see, to talk to this Iwaizumi once more. He wanted to remember. It was unfair, how the one name he remembered throughout his whole memory loss, he didn't remember a single thing about him. When he asked his elder sister about him she would give him short answers, ending it at that. When he asked this guy named Hanamaki, he would switch the topics. It wasn't just Hanamaki, everyone else avoided it like the plague. Like it was something that would cause him to break.

 

-

 

_Blood. Why was there blood? Blood pooling underneath him, and in front of him. He looked down the path seeing it reach a shadowy figure. Familiar. He grips his head as words enter through his head like water and then out, like it was never there before. He wanted to scream, to yell out why he couldn't remember. He wanted to know, just why?_

 

-

 

Apparently remembering Iwaizumi really would cause him to break, he faintly registers in his head as he cries. He remembers, he finally does, but the results were not what he expected. He finally understood why whenever he felt a flutter in his chest because of that name, there was always something painful along with it. Something pricking him like needles. He cried, again and again for hours as he remembered everything. How he fell in love with him, how they were always there for each other, how he only wrecked his knee because he tried to forget. And forget he did. Even before his memory loss he forgot. He forgot that... that....

_Iwaizumi Hajime was no longer a part of this world._

He remembers ignoring Yahaba and Kyoutani's calls that were worried for him. Kyoutani mostly trying to tell him the truth that Iwaizumi was dead and Yahaba trying to comfort him. He remembers that before Kyoutani could even say the truth he would end the call just so he wouldn't hear it. Like if he kept denying it, it wouldn't be real.

He remembers Kunimi and Kindaichi, the ones who broke the news to him. They went to this house and told him. Told him that Matsukawa and Iwaizumi died. He remembers that after that he ran out, going to the gym in Tokyo. Thinking if he kept doing his serves Iwaizumi would magically appear and tell him to stop. He remembers that was the sole reason why his knee really did get wrecked. Why he lost his volleyball career.

He remembers throwing his phone at the wall and ignoring it for the rest of his life. It was shattered, broken, and he had no plans at all to repair it. It was the reason why Hanamaki and the others couldn't contact him.

He remembers briefly seeing Kageyama and Hinata together. Happy. As a couple. And he was jealous, jealous that he could've been that happy with Iwaizumi if only that incident didn't happen. He also remembers running away from them, not wanting to see them happy any longer.

He remembers all of this, and he remembers spending the last 15 years sending him love letters and poems. They've probably stacked a lot in his room, could probably just be a whole gallery. He also remembers their promises, the moments where he felt the heart in his chest feeling like it would explode from love, and he remembers everyone's concern for him and he wants to laugh at how he's such a terrible person for making all of those wonderful people worry about him. This pathetic person. He also hates himself even more that he wasn't there for Hanamaki who was going through just as much or even more heartbreak because Hanamaki and Matsukawa were an actual _item._

He grabs the remaining letters and poems, stuffing them into a bag. He goes outside and sees that it's a pretty windy day. He smiles because that's just perfect weather for what he's going to do. He takes the bag and lets all the letters and poems out in one swoop, seeing them all whirl together and go upwards, like they'll actually reach Iwaizumi in heaven.

He's letting go.

He might never be able to love anyone like Iwaizumi. Hell, Iwaizumi might be the only one he'll love throughout his whole life, but he hopes that they'll meet again one day. He won't ever fully let go, he's not strong enough for that yet. Not at all. But, he thinks, a weight, even slightly, has been lifted from him and he cries as he smiles. He wishes for many things but the one thing he wishes for the most is to see him again, to hear him again, yet knowing he'll probably never will.

_"You're such an ugly crier."_

He laughed as he heard those familiar words in his mind.

"I-I know Iwa-chan." Oikawa hiccuped, putting his palms towards his eyes, trying to stop the tears.

_"Of course we'll be unseparable."_

"Ha, ha, Iwa-chan you liar... In the end the one who left was you, wasn't it? You left me again and this time....there's no way we'll meet each other again..." He was on his knees now, unable to stop his tears. He feels familiar arms wrap around him, hugging him, and that scent he always has, and Oikawa thinks his mind really is being cruel to him, making him remember all of this stuff in his moment of despair. He wants to hug back, he wants to smell him for real, and he really wants to tell him the words he was unable to say 15 years ago. The words he should've told him earlier.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I break your hearts? I know I broke mine. I wrote this based on the song A Clingy Boy Sticking for 15 Years. Sorry if my writing was crap.


End file.
